Legend: A mother’s attempts to control her child in a crowded store are met with threats of blackmail as the child promises to tell Grandma that she saw Mommy kissing Daddy’s penis.
[Collected on the Internet, 1998]
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
[Collected on the Internet, 1994]
A friend of mine was in the local supermarket. A woman and her obnoxious brat were wandering up and down the aisles with a trolley. The kid was whining that it wanted chocolate. The mother refused but the kid got louder.
Finally the mother’s patience snaps and she says: “Listen – you’re not having chocolate today. Behave or you’ll get a smack”. The kid replies: “If you don’t buy me chocolate, I’ll tell granny that I saw you eating Daddy’s willy”.
Exit mother and child at top speed out of the door.
[Collected on the Internet, August 1997]
The mother of a friend of mine was standing in line in Sainsburys supermarket in Winnersh, UK [just to get the geography down pat!], with a young mother in front of her in the crowded queue. Being between the tills, with people in front and behind here, she couldn’t move. With just two people in front of here waiting to be served, her little two-year old sitting in the trolley pipes up “Mummy, why were you kissing daddy’s willy this morning?”
She waited, but the ground refused to open up and swallow her.
- The child can be either female or male, but the embarrassed parent is invariably the mother.
- The child’s threat always takes place in a crowded area, usually either a supermarket or bank.
- Sometimes there’s no blackmail attempt involved; the child saw the parents doing something unusual then later thought to ask about it.
Origins: Although this tale is known to have been circulating as far
back as 1983, it gained greater popularity once enshrined in an “Embarrassing Moments”
the write-up of the toddler’s attempt at blackmail attributed to “Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia.”
Kids can (and have!) said the darnedest things. They often choose to do so in public places, either not having yet learned there’s a time and a place for particular questions and comments, or that there are certain subjects Mom would rather not discuss in public (and hence bringing up those subjects becomes a way of controlling the parent). Be it innocent question or outright attempt at blackmail, the result is the same: embarrassment.
Barbara “little pitchers have big ears and even bigger mouths” Mikkelson
Last updated: 8 July 2007