Questions Asked of Park Rangers

Dumb questions purportedly asked of park rangers by tourists.

  • Published 13 December 1999

Reportedly excerpted from Outside Magazine, May 1995, pp. 120-121.

Grand Canyon National Park:

  • Was this man-made?
  • Do you light it up at night?
  • I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom — where is it?
  • Is the mule train air conditioned?
  • So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park:

  • Are the alligators real?
  • Are the baby alligators for sale?
  • Where are all the rides?
  • What time does the two o’clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska):

  • What time do you feed the bears?
  • Can you show me where the yeti lives?
  • How often do you mow the tundra?
  • How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park:

  • Did people build this, or did Indians?
  • Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
  • Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
  • Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park:

  • How much of the cave is underground?
  • So what’s in the unexplored part of the cave?
  • Does it ever rain in here?
  • How many ping-pong balls would it take to fill this up?
  • So what is this — just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park:

  • Where are the cages for the animals?
  • What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?

Yellowstone National Park:

  • Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
  • How do you turn it on?
  • When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
  • We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

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