The Mormon church wants to limit sales of Vaseline and Kleenex in order to curb masturbation.
Collected via Email, April 2016
On 22 April 2016, the Business Standard News (aka “BS News”) published an article reporting that the Mormon Church was urging the state government of Utah to limit sales of Vaseline and Kleenex in order to more effectively curb masturbation:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has declared war against masturbation, which they conclude is seriously harming the lives of young people. And they have decided to go after supplies that potential masturbators might need.
Bob Whitbread, LDS spokesperson, said the church is going to urge Utah Gov. Gary Herbert to impose limits on the sale of Vaseline and Kleenex.
“If a young man is buying large supplies of these items, it’s evident he has fallen prey to masturbation,” Whitbread said.
There is no truth to the above-quoted story. Business Standard News is an entertainment and satirical news web site that does not publish factual stories. The site hinted at the fictional nature of its content in their tagline (“BS News, keeping it real”) and described the site as “parody” on its “About” page:
The Business Standard News is a satirical site designed to parody the 24-hour news cycle. The stories are outlandish, but reality is so strange nowadays they could be true.