Claim: Excuses received by high school attendance offices in notes from parents.
Example:[Collected via e-mail, 2000]
Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.
Chris have an acre in his side.
Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn't no what size she wear.
John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.
My son is under the doctor's care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.
Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.
Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.
Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.
My daughter wouldn't come to school Monday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with some Marines.
Please excuse Sandra from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps [cramps].
Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour trout [sore throat].
Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel [flu].
Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.
The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be evaporated.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahdiahoahdyah the shits.
Origins: More entries most likely gleaned from the realm of lore rather than reality, made funny by the spelling and grammatical errors of the adults who supposedly penned them. Enjoyment is gained from the juxtaposition of poorly educated parents with the teachers who receive such notes, thereby creating a scenario in which one authority figure undermines another.
Barbara "authority figure ate" Mikkelson
Last updated: 29 June 2007
Dundes, Alan and Carl Pagter. Urban Folklore from the Paperwork Empire.
Austin: American Folklore Society, 1975. ISBN 0-292-78502-X. (pp. 140-141).