[Collected on the Internet, 1996]
We all went out to the bar on a Friday night and drank tons of beer. Jack got lucky and brought somebody home. He was really drunk, though, and ended up puking on his date while doing it doggy style. When he got done puking he passed out. We found the results the next morning when we went to get him for breakfast
[Collected on the Internet, 1998]
This bloke that picks up a woman at a night club and she takes him back to her house and they root (fuck). When the bloke wakes up all his clothes, wallet, etc. and the woman are gone. Thinking he has been robbed, he exacts revenge by proceeding to shit on the pillow on the bed. As a log is coming out of his arse the woman walks in with his clothes neatly ironed and folded.
- Sometimes the action takes place in an apartment; sometimes in a van.
- The girl's reason for seeking revenge varies: he rolled over and fell asleep without so much as a bye-your-leave, he was a lousy lover, he threw up on her.
- In the versions where the man is the one seeking revenge, he suspects his paramour of making off with his wallet or wakes up to discover she's not nearly as pretty as she was the night before when he'd been drinking heavily. Whereas in the female protagonist's versions the woman always escapes long before her act of vengeance is discovered, the man is never that lucky: he is invariably caught in the act or sneaking down the stairs.
The message of this tale is clear — it's the corollary of "Do unto others." The drunken date figuratively shits on the lady he brings home, so she returns the favour (albeit in a literal sense of the phrase).
A more lurid version drives home this legend's theme of revenge:
I heard another version of the dump from a friend on the same ship as mine in the Navy.
He told me a buddy of his found out that his girlfriend was cheating on him but never said anything to her. The girlfriend still lived at home with her mother. When her mom was out for the night she invited him over as usual. They were having sex and the guy suggested that they try bondage. She was hesitant but agreed. So he tied up her wrists and ankles to the bed posts and started having sex with her. Then he started to titty fuck her and came all over her face, then he told her that he knew she was cheating on him turned around and took a dump right on her chest, leaving a big log between her tits. Then he left her there all tied up and the only person who would find her was her mom when she got back.
Last updated: 12 July 2007
Healey, Phil and Rick Glanvill. Now! That's What I Call Urban Myths. London: Virgin Press, 1996. ISBN 0-86369-969-3 (p. 199).