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Home --> Risqué Business --> Kinky --> Stain Feign

Stain Feign

Legend:   A young couple has anal sex on Mom's cherished white sofa and blame the resulting stain on the dog.

Examples:

[Collected on the Internet, 1997]

A young couple of teenagers are having sex at the girl's parents' place, in the living room. Soon they engage into sodomy. For some reason (maybe she is nervous because her parents might come home any minute, maybe it's the first time she experiences sodomy, whatever), when the boy comes out after having ejaculated, the disaster occurs: a big smelly shit on the carpet.

Suddenly, the youths hear the girls' parents come home. They manage to get dressed just in time and rush to the bedroom where they take innocent poses. Suddenly they hear the girl's father screaming after the dog. Thank God they had a dog.



[Collected on the Internet, 1997]

Friend of Kevin's, when he was a teenager, was going out with this girl. They'd just started having sex and were in the experimental phase. Her parents went away for the weekend, so goodie, they had the whole house to themselves for the weekend to shag wherever and whenever they wanted. Her parents, incidentally, had recently purchased a white couch, which was sitting proudly in the lounge. (A white sofa in the living room, yerz . . .)

Anyway, running short of carnal novelties to sample, they decided they'd give anal sex a whirl. Fair enough. Only trouble is, they stupidly decided to do this on the white couch. Disaster ensued and grubbins got everywhere, leaving an indelible shit stain on the couch. They attacked it with every cleaning product known to man, but it wouldn't budge, and the parents were coming home in just a few hours . . .

With a piece of lateral thinking I myself believe to be close to genius, they went out and bought . . .

. . . a puppy!

Variations:
  • Sometimes the household already has a dog the mishap can be blamed upon; sometimes the young lovers have to rush out and buy an animal to take the blame.
  • What is rendered uncleanable varies — it's either a white sofa or a white carpet.
  • Sometimes the errant couple leaves a note identifying the dog as the culprit, only to return later and find that Mom has had the dog put down for its misdeed.
Origins:   This legend swings upon the teenage fear of being discovered engaging in sexual activity (especially kinky teenage sexual activity). As an added bonus it reinforces the popular misconception that those who engage in the practice of anal sex have to deal with fecal matter getting everywhere. As anal sex is not a condoned sexual expression in current society, such messages serve to discourage those who might be tempted to try it by presenting the activity as messy and dirty. (The real reasons for the inexperienced to be cautious about anal sex are less disgusting but more compelling: It can hurt and can cause damage to the rectum.)

In this story, disaster is averted only because of the couple's quick thinking. (Why they are clever enough to think to buy a dog yet stupid enough to engage in sodomy on a white couch in the living room remains a mystery.) As with many other morality-based urban legends, an innocent ends up paying for someone else's misdeeds.

Barbara "sofa, so good" Mikkelson

Last updated:   8 July 2007

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