Legend: A mother's attempts to control her child in a crowded store are met with threats of blackmail as the child promises to tell Grandma that she saw Mommy kissing Daddy's penis.
Examples:
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[Collected on the Internet, 1998]
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving right now, she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
[Collected on the Internet, 1994]
A friend of mine was in the local supermarket. A woman and her obnoxious brat were wandering up and down the aisles with a trolley. The kid was whining that it wanted chocolate. The mother refused but the kid got louder.
Finally the mother's patience snaps and she says: "Listen - you're not having chocolate today. Behave or you'll get a smack". The kid replies: "If you don't buy me chocolate, I'll tell granny that I saw you eating Daddy's willy".
Exit mother and child at top speed out of the door.
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Variations:
- The child can be either female or male, but the embarrassed parent is invariably the mother.
- The child's threat always takes place in a crowded area, usually either a supermarket or bank.
- Sometimes there's no blackmail attempt involved; the child saw the parents doing something unusual then later thought to ask about it.
Origins: At least one person recalls hearing this tale as far back as 1983. It gained greater popularity once enshrined in an "Embarrassing Moments"
e-mail that was forwarded over the Internet in 1997 with this entry attributed to "Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia."
Kids can (and have!) said the darndest things. They often choose to do so in public places, either not having yet learned there's a time and a place for particular questions and comments, or that there are certain subjects Mom would rather not discuss in public (and hence bringing up those subjects becomes a way of controlling the parent). Be it innocent question or outright attempt at blackmail, the result is the same: embarrassment.
Barbara "little pitchers have big ears and even bigger mouths" Mikkelson
Last updated: 8 July 2007
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