Old Wives' Tales
Radio & TV
Toxin du jour
Legend: The lobster with which a woman was masturbating defecates into her vagina, implanting brine shrimp eggs which later hatch inside her.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2000]
Origins: After scanning this little piece of junior high school scatology, we truly hope we will "read [only] one disgusting story this year." Unfortunately, it's only January, so our chances of success are dim.
What else can one say but someone had too much time on his hands? The silly little gem quoted above appeared on the Internet in January 2000. It combines the bestial impregnation motif of the "woman impregnated with octopus eggs" with the "animal used as masturbatory toy" motif of the gerbil tale. The kinky masturbation theme from the "girl and the hot dog" tale gets worked into the mix, too. As usual, we have a detail indicating homosexuality — "the medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR" — because we all know from similar tales that no woman ever masturbates unless she can't (or won't) find a real man to pleasure her. (This same notion is found in the legend about the woman, her dog, and some peanut butter.)
Considering the deviance of the fictitional woman's crime, it's no wonder the author of the piece has her die. Considering his writing skills, we think it's a shame he didn't pen a similar ending for himself.
The "writer" at least managed to include a few details in his piece (i.e., the woman's name and home town), but that's about all he got right in terms of credibility. The narrative has a few glaring plotting errors:
Last updated: 7 July 2007
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