Examples: [Collected via e-mail, January 2007]
George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline
President Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use.
The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport
Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot.
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.
If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends. I just did.
Origins: We first encountered this piece in the on-line world in July 2006, and at that time it contained no mention of George
While George Carlin has yet to specifically disclaim authorship of the "gas crisis solution"
As Carlin has posted on his web site about such soapboxings:
Floating around the Internet these days, posted and
Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it.
And that's the problem. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually be capable of writing some of this stuff.
Barbara "george of the online jungle" Mikkelson
Last updated: 5 February 2007
Hudson, Lewis. "Letters: Bring Troops Home; Send Illegals to Iraq." Chattanooga Times Free Press. 19 August 2006 (p. B7).