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Claim: A compendium of hilarious letters to advice columnist Dear Abby.
Example: [Collected via e-mail, March 2008]
Origins: The above-quoted
With only one exception ("What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?"), each of the compilation's clueless queries can be found in The Best of Dear Abby, a 1981 offering of memorable letters from her readers. (We note the fact that the appearance of these letters in Abby's compilation only validates that she actually received them; it doesn't rule out the possibility that some of them may have been written by correspondents who were deliberately trying to appear clueless.) Other versions of the e-mail include these additional entries, all also drawn from that same book:
DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get?
Barbara "shift(y) work" Mikkelson
GERTIE DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting? DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? CAROL DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie. DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? KAY DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work. DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? CURIOUS DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do. DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? JAKE DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous. DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? ANNIE DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it. DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? SAM IN CAL. DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office. DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? TED DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue. DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you"? RITA DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard. DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. ROSE DEAR ROSE: So would I. DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? BESS DEAR BESS: Night and Day. Last updated: 9 April 2008 This material may not be reproduced without permission. snopes and the snopes.com logo are registered service marks of snopes.com.  Sources:
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