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My Unfair Lady

Joke:   Naked woman distracts drivers by washing their windshields while her partner robs the cars.

LEGEND

Examples:   [Collected via e-mail, February 2005]

WARNING

A scam is being pulled, mainly on older men.

What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.

They are very good at this: They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday.

I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.
 

Origins:   This howler began its Internet life in January 2005. No, it is not a valid warning about an actual crime being perpetrated by gangs of naked women and their accomplices; it is merely a joke that is presented as an alert solely as the set-up for its final line, "I wasn't able to find them on Sunday."

The crime victim's wistfulness is key to the jest, transforming the supposed account of repeated thefts into one of a lustful man so entranced by the sight of the woman's nudity that not only didn't he mind being repeatedly stolen from, he would actively go looking for it.

In May 2005 we encountered a distaff version of the joke:
Scam on Women of a Certain Age...Watch out this weekend, ladies...

Be careful of this scam

This new scam is being pulled mainly on older women who are apparently passed the age of giving a running pursuit.

What happens is that when the intended victim stops for a red light, a completely nude and good looking, nicely tanned, unbelievably well enhanced young man comes up with muscles flexing, and body stretched to its full potential, he pretends to wash your windshield. While he is doing this, another person opens the back door of your car, taking anything you have in the car.

They are very good at this. They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday — I couldn't find them on Sunday.
In August 2006 we began receiving inquiries about a more elaborate, "purse snatching" variation of the latter version:
WARNING!

I want ALL of my friends and family to be aware of this potential danger!

I don't know how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you!!

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old, well-built guys come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start
wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed.

It's impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!

BEWARE! While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!

I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow. I'm running out of purses ... PLEASE SEND ME ANY PURSES YOU ARE NO LONGER USING! You know I'm living on a fixed income and doing without food trying to keep the purses stocked! Thank you in advance ...

PLEASE HELP!
March 2009 brought an even more exaggerated version involving young female wallet thieves victimizing men who shop at Home Depot:
SHOPPING AT HOME DEPOT

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also February 1st & 4th, Twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 30th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.
In September 2010, we spotted this adendum to the version quoted above:
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
An instance of ostension was reported in December 2005 by Houston station KPRC-TV, who broadcast that a pair of Hispanic women between 17 and 22 years of age robbed a local man in somewhat similar fashion. According to the victim's statement, a woman approached him as he was getting into his pickup truck and exposed herself, then pulled out a hammer and broke his window. A second woman produced a gun and robbed him. It is believed the same women stole another man's van not far from the apartment complex where the pickup owner was robbed.

Barbara "wash and beware" Mikkelson

Last updated:   1 September 2010

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Sources:

    KPRC-TV [Houston].   "Women Use Sex Appeal to Steal."
    20 December 2005.