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Home --> Horrors --> Freakish Fatalities --> The Bust 'n' Strangler

The Bust 'n' Strangler

Claim:   A groom was suffocated by a stripper's massive breasts.

Status:   False.

Example:   [Collected on the Internet, 2002]

Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs
Wednesday January 16, 2002

GENEVA - A fun-filled bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 32-year-old groom-to-be who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed stripper suffocated while his face was buried in her breasts.

The mind-boggling drama unfolded, say cops, while Daniel Greene was attending his bachelor party at the Pretty Kitty strip club.

The club had been rented out for the private affair.

According to investigators, Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck: One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts.

Witnesses said that Greene had had his fair share of beer, but didn't seem out-of-control.

When the song "I'm Too Sexy" began to play, Greene became excited and began to dance on the tabletop, hooting and hollering, pals said, "like an idiot."

Miss Kane, apparently pleased to see someone enjoying her choice in music, moved in closer.

When Greene took his seat, she began giving him a lap dance, shaking her breasts in his face.

The more she shook, the deeper Greene got lost in her cleavage.

"Daniel was having so much fun," partygoer John Gillman said. "We all thought he loved being in that gal's chest.

"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"

Cheering onlookers eventually realized that Greene was no longer moving, and pulled him from between Miss Kane's breasts.

Now Greene's family is suing Miss Kane and the Pretty Kitty for wrongful death.

Greene's father, George, won't specify the amount they are suing for, but claims that it isn't about the money.

"Those breasts were lethal weapons," he told reporters.

"The Pretty Kitty should not have allowed Miss Kane to have her bust enhanced to the size that she did.

"We hope that by filing this lawsuit, we can send a message to other strippers: keep your bra size within a reasonable range."

Kandy Kane made a statement through her attorneys: "I thought he liked it in there. "

The Pretty Kitty declined comment.

Origins:   This story was first reported by the Weekly World News in a 16 January 2002 article titled ">Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs at His Bachelor Party!" A reprint of this article appeared on Yahoo!'s Entertainment News site that same day under the title "Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs."

That Registered as lethal weapons it appeared on Yahoo!'s site shouldn't fool anyone into believing this tale. The Weekly World News is a sensationalistic tabloid known for making up its stories when there's a dearth of actual wackiness to report upon. Yahoo! has for some unfathomable reason chosen to present tabloid findings on its entertainment page, perhaps in the wide-eyed but unspeakably naive belief that discerning readers will perceive that they are entertainment and not news offerings and will thus derive amusement from them rather than take them as gospel. (A tour of our inbox would have quickly disabused Yahoo! of this notion.)

In the simplest of all terms, there is no 72-DD Kandy Kane, no Pretty Kitty club, and no boob-suffocated Daniel Greene. We checked other news sources, and nothing in this tale of freakish demise stood up to scrutiny. As fake as it is, we still love this article, if only for its "Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?" Such mental images were meant to live
forever.

(Whoever penned this piece obviously isn't too familiar with how bra sizes are determined — DD is a large cup size, but the DD designation simply indicates that the difference between a measurement taken just below a woman's bust and one taken around the fullest part of her bust is 5 inches. Therefore, a woman with a 72-DD bra size would be someone with moderately large boobs and a gargantuan ribcage.)

A former porn actress (now a blues singer) who goes by the name of Candye Kane boasts a 54G bust, but she has yet to kill anyone with it.

In 1998, Paul Shimkonis, a 38-year-old Florida man, sued the Diamond Dolls club, claiming his being buffeted with stripper Tawny Peaks' 60-inch HHH bosom had caused him to suffer whiplash. The parties agreed to litigate their dispute in The People's Court (an American television show), where Shimkonis lost his case.

Barbara "hold me closer, tiny dancer" Mikkelson

Last updated:   20 January 2007

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  Sources Sources:
    St. Petersburg Times.   "'Trial' Involving Whiplash, Exotic Dancer Airs Monday."
    5 September 1998   (p. B9).

    Weekly World News.   "Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs at His Bachelor Party!"
    16 January 2002.