Joke:   List offers ten reasons why Halloween is better than sex.

Example:   [Collected on the Internet, 2002]

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack. 9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some. 8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 7. Less guilt the morning after. 6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are. 5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door. 3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again. 2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

Origins:   Some versions of this list contain the notation that these howlers are "courtesy of David Letterman," a late-night talk show host famous for his humorous Top Ten lists, but that attribution is simply another case of anonymous words being ascribed to the person deemed most likely to have said them.

There is no one "correct" version of the list. Entries are routinely added and removed, and the order of items gets changed around. The only constant other than the "Why Halloween is better than sex" topic is the number of items in the list — it's always ten.

Some other entries that have appeared on different versions of the list are:

If you wear a Bill Clinton (or Batman) mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.

If you get tired, nobody gets an attitude.

Maybe aches, but never guilt the morning after.

Dressing up and fantasizing isn't considered kinky.

Another Halloween top ten list is the venerable "Things that sound dirty but are not":

10. She's a goblin!

9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack tonight.

8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

7. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch

6. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.

5. Let me see your big sack!

4. Can I eat your Zagnuts?

3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.

2. You scared me stiff!

1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

Barbara "and he's playing with his Mr. Big!" Mikkelson

Last updated:   27 October 2005

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