[de Vos, 1996]
The British are wizards of pomp and ceremony. Even innocent bystanders and spectators sometimes feel themselves involuntarily caught up in and reacting to the drama of the moment, through they may know little or nothing of the ritual itself
Every session of Britain's House of Commons is called to order by the Speaker, who marches into the halls with the flowing train of his black gown held up by a page, looking for all the world like a character in Gilbert and Sullivan. On the way to the House, he strides through the visitors' hall, a herald preceding him to call out, "Hats Off, Strangers!" Tourists who have gathered from all parts of the world to watch the colorful and traditional ceremony obediently doff their headgear as the procession goes by.
One day a great personal friend of the Speaker, named Neal McLean, was in the gathering in the visitors' hall. The Speaker spotted him as he walked through and impulsively cried out, "Neal! Neal!" Every tourist present promptly dropped to his knees!
Variations: The legend has been told a number of different ways:
- As happening in 1979 at Westminster in front of Lord Hailsham when he greeted MP Neil Marten.
- When some parliamentarian with a rich, authoritative voice, accosted the then leader of the Labour Party, Neil Kinnock.
- Of someone's shouting a greeting to Niall MacDermot, a Labour MP
(1957-59and 1962-70)and a Minister in the first Wilson government.
- Prior to 1965 to Neal McLean, the friend of an unnamed Speaker of the House.
No matter which Neal is named or when the incident is said to have happened, the setting remains the same: it always takes place in one of the British Houses of Parliament (Commons or Lords). Though other countries besides Britain have parliamentary customs that involve wigs or impressive ceremonial robes, and indeed many judicial systems feature bewigged participants or unusual costumes, in none of these other settings are visitors reputed to drop to one knee as per legend. Moreover, not only is the story always set in the British Parliament, the befuddled tourists are invariably identified as American. No other nationality will do, apparently.
Why Americans? Perhaps because they're stereotyped as rude and abrasive tourists, often ignorant or disdainful of other countries' languages, cultures, and traditions. A tale that makes them look foolish can't help but be satisfying to those who have experienced (or been told of) the legendary arrogance of Americans.
As well, this legend depends upon the homophonous relationship of the name "Neal" and the verb "kneel," something only a speaker of English would understand (or fall for). Americans, unlike citizens of Commonwealth nations, have no experience with the trappings of monarchy or the pomp and circumstance of a parliament and are therefore more potentially cowed when confronted by a traditionally-garbed court official.
Barbara "playing to the robes gallery" Mikkelson
Sightings: The "Kneel!" legend turns up in an early Dilbert cartoon and can be found in Scott Adam's It's Obvious You Won't Survive by Your Wits Alone collection.
Last updated: 25 June 2012
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