Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1995]
This woman left work early to have her yearly
She went into the doctor's office and put her legs in the stirrups with the sheet over her. The doctor comes in and peeks under the sheet and says, "Hmm — Fancy." She thought the comment was odd, but didn't think much of it.
That night she said to her daughter, "I hope you don't mind, but I used some of your feminine spray today." Her daughter looked at her and replied, "Mom, I don't have any feminine spray." "Yes, you do. It's in the cabinet," the mother said. "Okay, Mom, come show me." So the two went into the daughter's bathroom. The mother grabbed a can and said, "Here it is." The daughter said, "Mom, that's spray glitter."
Origins: The "glittery mom" story has been circulating on the Internet at least since 1994. In an updated 1997 version, the sparkly stuff is transferred to the older woman by way of her using her daughter's washcloth, not realizing the girl had been using it to remove glitter makeup. Feminine deodorant spray or washcloth, it's the same tale with but a small detail changed.
It's an older story than you might think. A "green stamps" version of it likely began in 1963, a version in which a lady, on her way to see the doctor, stops to relieve herself in a public bathroom. There's no toilet paper to be found so she uses a Kleenex from her purse. Unknown to her, a couple of trading stamps accidentally get transferred from the bottom of the purse to the lady's whatever. During the exam the doctor quips, "I didn't know you gave Green Stamps with that."
The key to the enjoyment factor of this story is the notion of an older (and therefore presumably less sexually avant garde) woman being embarrassed in front of her doctor. (Physicians are still seen as one of the ultimate authority figures). Yearly gynecological exams are disquieting enough without the one administering it getting an extra laugh out of the procedure, and it's this mortification the legend speaks to. Perhaps that explains the story's popularity — we often find ways to laugh about things we find humiliating.
It's worth noting Joan Rivers' advice to women on how to balance the gynecological exam scales: "Learn to throw your voice."
In 2004, a Cosmopolitan reader gave the following account:
— Raquel, 32
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her underwear and used them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my underwear..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other, "We have to be on the
The other one responded, "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her behind that read, "We will never forget you."
Sightings: During an interview with Conan O'Brien on
Last updated: 27 December 2004
Brunvand, Jan Harold.   The Choking Doberman. New York: W. W. Norton, 1984. ISBN 0-393-30321-7 (p. 139). Brunvand, Jan Harold. The Mexican Pet. New York: W. W. Norton, 1986. ISBN 0-393-30542-2 (pp. 122-125).     Hughes, Suze.   "Sticker Shock."     Redbook. August 2002 (p. 104). Roland, Kathy.   "Fancy!" FOAFTale News.   June 1996. (pp. 4-5).
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