Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2004]
Underground Maintenance Planner
Bounty Gold Mine, Mt Holland
Forrestania, Western Australia
Tel (090) 394 527, Fax (090) 394 528
Nissan Motor Co (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
C/O 244 Welshpool Rd, Welshpool
ATTENTION: Mr Neville Green, General Manager — National Parts
I would like to bring to your attention some serious faults in Nissan Motor Co in regard to parts availability, lead times and pricing. Currently we have a Nissan W40 Civilian bus that we cannot use to transport staff to and from the mine. The reason this bus is not operational is not labour or condition related, it is because of a denial on the part of yourself and Nissan
|ITEM||PART NUMBER||QUANTITY BEGGED FOR|
Of these items I tried to purchase, only 3 are available in W.A. It stretches the bounds of credulity that items such as wheel nuts (a consumable in most of the known world) are available with a lead time of
On the rare occasion we have been delivered parts within an acceptable time period, they have been entirely wrong. It is not that the wrong parts are ordered, it is that some of your parts interpreters are so green I couldn't set them on fire with petrol.
These are not isolated incidents, they occur every time we try to purchase parts, from $10.00 hoses, at $109.40 each, through to internal gearbox components that are second only to thermonuclear warheads in their capacity to annihlate all that surrounds them.
It is astounding that in this day of interstate air and road transport at least
I could elaborate on the complete frustration I feel from trying to keep the bus on the road safely. Suffice to say the bus driver now has a firm belief in the afterlife and we haven't ruled out danger money for the position.
Please don't get me wrong, I could handle the first 35 times of being fucked around, (the apologetic kiss from customer support was always welcome). Now that you've turned it into a bizarre form of sado-masochism complete with scratching and biting, I feel I have to
I look forward to discussing every single frustrating event of the past
I SINCERELY HOPE YOU CUNTS NEVER BUILD PLANES
Yours in utter amazement,
|MR JOHN COSTELLO||MANAGER, FLEET AND SPECIAL MARKETS, NISSAN AUSTRALIA|
|MR BRUCE ANDERSON||MINE MANAGER, NORMANDY MINING|
|MR IAN BIRD||U/G MANAGER, NORMANDY MINING|
|MR DEAN HUGHES||U/G MAINTENANCE ENGINEER, NORMANDY MINING|
|MS JAN EVANS||SITE SECETARY, NORMANDY MINING|
|MR ROBERT WHITING||PURCHASING OFFICER, NORMANDY MINING|
|MR ANDREW MOSES||OWNER, HOLLETON EARTHMOVING|
|MR PETER CUE||OWNER, WORKFORCE PLANT HIRE|
|MR HARVEY KING||REGIONAL MANAGER, MONADELPHOUS|
|MR ALEX COOPER||DIVISIONAL MANAGER, MONADELPHOUS|
|MR RAY MILLER||TECH. SUPPORT SUPERVISOR, MONADELPHOUS|
|MR REX ANDREWS||CHIEF PURCHASING OFFICER, MONODELPHOUS|
|MR EDDY LOK||MECHANICAL SUPERVISOR , MONODELPHOUS|
|MR JOHN ECKHART||FABRICATION SUPERVISOR, MONODELPHOUS|
|STATE CONTRACTS MANAGER, ATLAS COPCO|
|MR TED CORDINA||PERTH SERVICE MANAGER, ATLAS COPCO|
|MR GERRY O'CONNOR||CONTRACTS SUPERVISOR, ATLAS COPCO|
|MR ALEC TYRELL||CONTRACTS SUPERVISOR, ATLAS COPCO|
|MR MICHAEL GANT||WORKSHOP SUPERVISOR — PERTH, ATLAS COPCO|
EVERY PERSON I TALK TO BETWEEN NOW AND WHEN I GET SOME SATISFACTION
Origins: The item transcribed above came to us as an undated
The piece was purportedly a letter written to the Nissan Motor Company by one Jarrod Byrne, a planner at the Bounty Gold Mine in Western Australia, expressing frustration at his inability to obtain replacement parts for the Nissan-manufactured bus used to transport staff to and from the mine. Using language in turn hilarious and coarse,
We were finally able to confirm this item as genuine in March 2005, when we heard from the missive's writer, Jarrod Byrne, who told us:
Nissan did respond to the letter, with the opening line being "Thanks for your correspondence Jarrod, it certainly got our attention". Which was, after all, the entire purpose of writing it. (Quite quick on the uptake these Nissan people.)
Bounty Gold mine closed in 2001, the letter, the issues and the people on the cc list are all real, as were my frustrations at the time.
Last updated: 25 April 2011
Wehrman, Jessica. "Hostettler's Office Fields Hoax Calls." Evansville Courier & Press. 16 November 2004.